Arkansas TE Jeremy Sprinkle suspended from bowl for shoplifting

In one of the greatest examples of poetry in motion, Arkansas Razorbacks senior tight end Jeremy Sprinkle was suspended for the Belk Bowl today, reportedly for shoplifting

From a Belk store.

In a story you can only hope to write once in your life (h/t SEC Country), the irony must not be lost.

A football player named Sprinkle known for his soft hands — playing in a bowl game sponsored by a store chain — is caught shoplifting from said store chain.

To make this even better?

Sprinkle shoplifted from said store while in the middle of a team shopping spree sponsored by the store, in which they were given a $450 dollar gift card.

You absolutely can’t make a better script.

“Sprinkle was accused of attempting to shoplift items at the Belk department store at the SouthPark Mall in Charlotte on Wednesday, sources said. The Arkansas team was there as part of a function for the bowl.

Each player on both teams had 90 minutes to spend a $450 gift card at Belk on anything in the store. The players also each received a Fossil watch. Sources said Sprinkle attempted to take items worth more than the allotted cost available,” per Jason Kersey of SEC Country.

The ineptitude and pure brazenness is both astounding and infuriating.

Sprinkle, a senior, has already accepted an invitation to participate in the Senior Bowl this upcoming draft season, where he will undoubtedly be heavily questioned by scouts and media alike.