The release of Michael Bay’s “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” is finally here. It looks intriguing, considering how far special effects have come since the first TMNT movie in 1990. What if the World’s top sports figures starred in the new TMNT movie, who would play who? Here are some suggestions for who should star in Bay’s latest action packed blockbuster.
Leonardo – Peyton Manning (QB Denver Broncos): The fearless leader and student of martial arts. Like Leo, Manning is always studying to get better. Leo is also the oldest of the four, therefore he has the responsibility to watch out for them. The same could be said for Manning and his role over the past five years with the Indianapolis Colts and Broncos.
Donatello – Derek Jeter (SS New York Yankees): The “smart” one of the group, Donny is a technological genius. Jeter, known as “The Captain,” is smart because he’s never flashy, he’s not fundamentally sound, but executes due to knowledge. Donny, probably the least violent turtle, uses his smarts first and never hesitates to come to the defense of his brothers. You’d probably get a similar response from Jeter’s teammates. Also, Donny uses a bow staff, which essentially is a glorified baseball bat.
Rafael – LeBron James (SF Miami Heat): Some look at Raphael as the bad boy of the group, polar opposite of Leo. He’s physically strong and personality strong. LeBron gets the same label. Both are aggressive and not scared of any challenge. Raph, though mostly serious, still makes jokes and has a strong bond with his brothers. LeBron has a looser sense of humor. Beyond that, they are similar.
Michelangelo – David Ortiz (DH Boston Red Sox): Speaking of humor, everyone’s favorite turtle is Michelangelo. The goofball of the group, who never takes anything seriously until he needs to. The same can be said for Big Papi. Everyone loves them some Big Papi. He’s always smiling and lightening the mood, but come crunch time, Papi delivers. He probably eats his share of pizza too.
Carlos Gomez has been campaigning for this role for a while (see below)…perhaps there’s a role for him in the sequel.
Splinter – Bill Belichick (Head Coach – New England Patriots): Also known as the groups’ sensei, Splinter is the father figure to group. Not much emotion and always teaching the turtles lessons. Though not technically an athlete, Belichick gets this role and it’s not even close. Just try and find a better fit than the coach that never smiles. How much would you pay to hear Belichick say “I made a funny” to end a news conference? A lot.
Shredder – Alex Rodriguez (3B New York Yankees): The guy no one likes. Yet Shedder is skilled enough to put up a good fight. He surrounds himself with idiots who can’t, which is why he never wins unless he takes PEDs/ooze.
Like A-Rod, Shredder destroys everything with a little help from PED’s
You can see the similarities between Shredder and A-Rod. This was easy.
April O’Neil – Erin Andrews (Reporter/Fox): It’d make more sense to have a readhead here, but with Megan Fox playing the new April, Andrews gets the nod here. She’s gorgeous, everyone likes her, she’s comfortable in front of the camera (no, that’s not a peephole joke) and is a natural for this role. She’s also a tomboy at heart, which would come in handy when hanging with four ninjas.
Casey Jones – Brandon Prust (RW – Montreal Canadians): Casey Jones is the castoff, rough around the edges pal of the turtles and love interest of April. He wears a hockey mask to cover his chiseled jaw and uses a hockey stick (and other sporting goods) as weapons. What better fit than one of the toughest guys in the NHL, Brandon Prust to play this role. The guy has a face for the big screen and delivers even bigger hay-makers to his opponents.
Vanilla Ice – Justin Bieber (“performer – Canada”): Sorry, we couldn’t resist.