Rick Grimes once awoke to a world taken over by zombies. Those not-so-dead creatures that are somewhat still dead while existing on Earth with us living beings.
They exist.
And the evidence is right in front of our face within the professional sports world. These athletes were once alive and well, only to see themselves fall into the abyss that so many zombies have fallen into in the past. Except for these athleties, that abyss includes under-performing while making a ton of cash or seeing themselves turn into a a cast member of the Walking Dead following yet another injury.
Kobe Bryant, Guard, Los Angeles Lakers
Having to team up with a washed-up Carlos Boozer and Steve Nash should be enough to scare Bryant into think he’s sharing a locker room with cast members of The Walking Dead. But I am sure he will take his 30-plus million in cold hard cash and be happy with it…no matter the nightmares he may have.
Mark Sanchez, Quarterback, Philadelphia Eagles
Sanchez led the New York Jets to three consecutive AFC Championship games before being treated like a villain in the New York media and stinking it up big time towards the latter part of his tenure. He’s now holding a clipboard behind Nick Foles in Philadelphia. Will Foles soon become part of The Walking Dead only for Sanchez to rise from the ashes again? We shall see.
Joe Mauer, Catcher, Minnesota Twins
As Minneapolis’ native son, Mauer was once considered the savior of the franchise. And while he had a few tremendous seasons with the Twins, it’s been a whole heck of a lot of nothing. Some say Mauer’s identity has changed since he moved from catcher, and he’s no longer the same player. Maybe the former top pick should catch up on The Walking Dead and take some notes. After all, a comeback from the former All-Star is needed in order for the Twins to return from the dead. So many puns…so many.
Alex Rodriguez, Third Baseman, New York Yankees
At least A-Fraud didn’t let his hair grow out during his most recent suspension. But, no doubt the look is the same here. One saving grace for Rodriguez, he’ll make $22 million next year after tallying 25 total homers since the start of the 2012 season.
Mark Teixeira, First Baseman, New York Yankees
Somehow I envision Teixeira looking like Sgt. Abraham Ford in another 10 years or so. But until then, he can just live off the money ($46.3 million over the next two years) that he’s stealing from the Yankees.
Amar’e Stoudemire, Power Forward/Center, New York Knicks
This is almost perfect, especially if you’re in tune with the character Tyreese Williams on The Walking Dead. Speaking of those walking around dead, Stoudemire averaged over $28,000 per point scored last season. I guess with that type of money, people can overlook the fact that he’s closer to a zombie than a professional basketball player right now.
Matt Schaub, Quarterback, Oakland Raiders
Oh geez, Schaub could almost literally be a charcter in The Walking Dead. Just look at his death stare right there. And if I wasn’t for an awkward smile, you’d think Derek Carr was on the receiving end. One saving grace for Schaub through all that has happened over the past two years? He’s making $8 million to ride the pine and watch re-runs of himself on the AMC classic.