NBA

Brian Scalabrine Announces Return to Boston in Hilarious Letter

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Vincent Frank
Written by Vincent Frank

This is pretty hilarious stuff from the White Mamba himself Brian Scalabrine, who announced in an open letter on Comcast Sports Net New England that he’s returning to the Boston Celtics as a television analyst. If the following image looks familiar, it should. Scalabrine decided to go the route of one LeBron James in order to announce his return. 

I wonder how many photos were snapped before Scalabrine could keep a straight face for the photographer.

The context of the open letter is about as epic as it can get.

Scalabrine opened the letter in trollish fashion. 

Before anyone cared where I would play basketball, I was a kid raised in Enumclaw, Washington. It’s where I walked. It’s where I ran. It’s where I did a paper route at age six. It’s always held a special place in my heart. From the moment I signed with the Celtics, I knew this was my new home.

He continued to seem a bit serious (if at all possible) throughout the open letter.

Remember when I spurned the Celtics and signed with the Chicago Bulls in 2010? Actually I begged Ainge to keep me and he wished me the best of luck. I was thinking, “This is really tough.” I could feel it. I left something I had spent five years creating.

In typical White Mamba form, Scalabrine broke from the seemingly serious part of the letter to drop comedic bomb after comedic bomb.

I went to Chicago because of Tibs and D-Rose and the crazy energy of Joakim Noah, and it was my only job offer in the states. I loved becoming an everyday customer at Giordano’s Pizza, the free meals were back.

When I left Boston, I was on a mission. I was seeking another championship. I wanted to ride in another parade, pop enormous bottles of champagne, and maybe even crash the podium. But Chicago already knew that feeling with MJ and Oakland had that feeling in baseball with the Bash Brothers.

I want kids in Boston, like the hundreds of elementary school kids who have red hair and no chance of making the NBA, to realize that there’s no better place to grow up.

As much as James’ letter to Cleveland had a certain level of emotion to it, Scalabrine seemed to have some sort of slapstick humor to the entire thing. He discussed how he missed the free meals in Boston and the suburbs in Oakland. In this, the White Mamba proved he is more than a one-trick pony while still trying to figure out what that first trick might have been.

Stay tuned to Celtics broadcasts this season, as Scalabrine might very well be the most entertaining part of the season.

Photo: Boston Herald

 

About the author

Vincent Frank

Vincent Frank

Editor-at-large, Sportsnaut.

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?” Rumi