NFL

Potential Washington Redskins Name Changes

The Washington Redskins recent tweet directed at United States Senator Harry Reid got us thinking here at Sportsnaut. What if they were forced to change their name by some outside force? Instead of continuing what has been a serious dialogue on the situation, we decided to have a little fun with it.

Tips can be left in the jar at the bottom of the article. We are also accepting free drinks at the end of the performance. However, if you decide to throw eggs, we hope they’re hard-boiled.

Washington Selfies

Rober Griffin III, Jimmie Johnson, Dale Earnhardt Jr.

This would appeal to the current generation of narcissistic selfie takers. Just imagine a helmet with Robert Griffin III and Daniel Snyder taking a selfie together. The marketing opportunities are endless here. Throw in DeAngelo Hall’s selfie and the narcissism becomes real…just ask Richard Sherman.

Washington Whizzinators

Courtesy of sportsmediadesign.com

Courtesy of sportsmediadesign.com

No, we aren’t talking about rebranding the Redskins after Ken Whisenhunt. That wouldn’t make too much sense. Not that this makes much sense either. At the very least, Ontario Smith would find a home. However, Washington would have to make sure his whizzinator isn’t whipped out at Dulles International Airport. That’d be awkward.

And wouldn’t the logo for this new team name be aces and the marketing opportunities endless? Heck, they could bring John Holmes out of retirement to literally pimp the new product. It also comes in all colors, so Donald Sterling wouldn’t have his hand in it.

Washington Foreskins

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We continue with a potentially NSFW name change. One question to the readers here. Just how deep can you plant your head in the gutter? Here at Sportsnaut, it’s apparently rather deep in there. If nothing else, their new slogan can be “We got you covered.”

Washington Redheads, AKA Gingers

Sammy Baugh would be one proud pop. Gingers are taking over the world, so much so that an all redhead cheerleading squad could make this new team name more marketable than Johnny Manziel using the Whizzinator just for fun.

Washington Pigskins

Okay, this could get a tad tricky. After all, PETA has been relatively quiet on the NFL front since the whole Michael Vick situation and it’s probably time for them to starting pissing and moaning about something. No, we don’t count Joe Namath’s fur coat. That was a cluster mess for everyone involved. Another issue here could be Christians holding a pigskin while being called the pigskin on Sundays. If you don’t get that reference, we are pretty sure you’re not alone. But to keep with the D.C. theme, here goes.

Washington Potato Skins

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Now that we have offended religion, redheads and well everyone…let’s go ahead and offend potatoes. Like Daniel Snyder, potato skins come loaded with crap, so this is a logical team name, right? Let’s just hope TGI Friday’s decides to sponsor this new team and hand out free bags of chips for every Potato Skin touchdown. Yeah, they wouldn’t be giving away many.

Washington Barry’s

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The Washington Dicks might work out as well – Thank you President Nixon. However with this we’re going with our current President.  The only problem here is that Kai Forbath’s field goal attempts would probably go wide left at the end of the day, leaving thousands of rich white men in glass suites (like Matthew McConaughey, Sugar Ray Leonard, and Sandra Bullock) asking why they threw thousands into a losing effort. Then again, the team could just be named after a more infamous D.C. politician, taking us from glass suites to crack houses.

Photo: Washington Post

About the author

Vincent Frank

Vincent Frank

Editor-at-large, Sportsnaut.

“You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life?” Rumi